It seems like everywhere we go someone is talking about sex. Turn on the television…there it is. Your newsfeed is filled with it, and the internet is consumed by it. Yet, I find it is the subject that most couples have the hardest time dealing with in my office. Many couples will wait for five or six sessions to lapse before they reveal why they “really” came to therapy.
As an experienced couple’s therapist, I am not at all embarrassed to talk to you and/or your spouse about sex. As a matter of fact, I find this topic to be very important, interesting, and exciting. Sex is the corner stone of intimacy and a bonding element for relationships. It must be dealt with in a straight-forward, gentle, non-confrontational way. I find that once a couple is comfortable letting me in, they too find the subject matter easy and relaxed and not merely as difficult as they thought it would be.
The most important element of sex therapy is finding out what is ACTUALLY going wrong. Is it erectile dysfunction? Is it low sex drive on the part of one of the partners? Or is it that the two of you have just lost the ever elusive “spark” that so many couples talk about. First of all, none of these issues are a marriage death sentence and it is most productive if we do not paint it as such. I believe sex therapy requires a healthy dose of candor, humility, and a sense of humor. The goal is to have both partners experience a sexual script that is satisfying, loving, and respectful. If you are open to the process, sex therapy can be fun, fulfilling, and a quicker fix then many other aspects of couple’s work.